Faerytale
by Firebird1
Summary: It's a parody of a typical fairy tale....hopefully you'll find it funny. :) Just give it a chance.....anyone with a sense of humour should find something they like in it.


Many years ago there existed a kingdom called Lexor. The lexorians were a very contented group of people. They found much joy in the many jousts and festivities that went on. These were provided by the much adored King Godfrey and Queen Anne.  
The king and queen had two children: Prince Cedric and Princess Ariana. Today there was to be a celebration for the prince's 20th birthday. Prince Cedric was to be up first in the joust. He had just mounted his horse when he spotted a small blue fleck traveling down the mountain. He prepared himself for battle. As the figure approached, Prince Cedric realized that it was his faithful servant Digby.  
"Sir," he panted breathlessly. "Princess Godiva has been kidnapped by the dreaded Crimson Knight. Her father has requested that you come to her aid. What is your answer sire?"  
Prince Cedric's smile was hidden by his helmet. He had been told for years that she was by far the most beautiful woman in the kingdom. She had long blond locks that were softer then those of a bunny. And her figure, well, there was certainly no doubt that she was of the female kind.  
Suddenly the prince heard a dripping noise. He looked down and realized that his sweat was pouring out of his armor. He flushed a deep red, but fortunately his armor once again prevented Digby from seeing him.  
"Tell him," the prince said as he tried to keep his mind from wandering. "I accept the mission. I swear on the honor of the kingdom that I will safely bring back Princess Godiva. No more shall she spend her nights at the mercy of the Crimson Knight. I shall be there for her."  
"Very well sire." Digby quickly galloped off with the reply in tow.  
Several of the dashing knights from the joust hastily volunteered to help the prince. The prince took one look at them and declined saying that he needed to do it alone to show that he was capable of ruling the country. The knights grumbled and sulked but the prince took no notice of them.  
Prince Cedric realized that the fastest way to get to the Crimson Knight's castle was to go through Morbid Valley. The prince's many advisors told him that no one had gone to the valley in over a century for legend told of a fierce dragon who had never been so much as wounded by one of his victims.  
The prince thought about the reaction of Princess Godiva would be. He imagined her running towards him with her hair streaming behind her like a silk scarf. She would tell him how brave he was and......the prince stopped himself there after remembering what had happened at the joust.  
Prince Cedric became determined to go through Morbid Valley. No stupid dragon was going to prevent him from saving his one true love. Also, it proved to be a very convenient way to show that he was the bravest knight in the kingdom.  
When he got to the valley he couldn't believe his eyes. There were hundreds of hills covered in flowers and fruit trees. What kind of a dragon would live here? Suddenly the prince realized that one of the hills was actually a cave for there was smoke rising from it. Prince Cedric slowly crept over to it.  
When the prince reached the corner of the cave he stopped for he could already feel heat radiating from the cave. The dragon was near. The prince quietly unsheathed his sword. He suddenly whipped around into the entrance of the cave. Pointing his sword at the beast he shouted: "Prepare yourself you murdering fiend. You shall pay for the blood you've spilt."  
"Hey man, I ain't no murderer. Watchu talking about?"  
"Over a century ago you destroyed many of my people. Their blood was spilt on this land where these pansies and petunias now grow."  
"There ain't no pansies there you know. There are petunias though. Do you like them? They take positively forever to grow. By the way, about all that blood stuff.....that weren't me. That were my father. He up and died about sixty years ago. But don't worry he weren't missed by nobody. He had an awful temper."  
After realizing the dragon was not a threat, Prince Cedric starting taking in what was around him. The dragon wore a funny-looking, poofy hat on his head and a piece of cloth tied around his stomach. Next to him was a large oven. There was a teapot on top. Something was obviously cooking inside because there was smoke pouring out through the door. The dragon realized this too and quickly opened the oven door and shut off the heat.  
The rest of the room contained a counter, a fridge, a sink, and some cupboards, Holes at the other end of the cave suggested that this room lead to many others. Suddenly the prince realized the dragon was staring at him. Oh my! he thought. I have completely forgotten my manners!  
"I'm sorry about the rude entrance" said the prince as he sheathed his sword. "You see I was afraid that you would eat me. I didn't quite see that as a promising future. Well, I hope this doesn't put us on bad terms with each other. As for introductions my name is Prince Cedric of Lexor."  
"My name is Sir Pendragon the third but you can call me Sirp. Son't apologize either. As it were, you're the first visitor I've ever had."   
The prince looked at the sorrowful creature. He decided that every week he would send some of his nobles to visit Sirp. On occasion he too would go. He told Sirp this and ther dragon let out a huge squeal. After recovering, Sirp invited the prince to dinner. The prince gratefully accepted.  
The dinner was absolutely fabulous. Every possible kind of food was there and each one cooked to absolute perfection. After the dinner, Sirp brought out a present for the prince because he had been so generous. The prince took the gift and quickly ripped it open.  
A small bottle was inside. It contained a mysterious green liquid. The dragon told the prince to splasht eh green liquid on the Crimson Knight. After that he would be free to rescue the princess. Sirp also gave a warning that the potion would only last for a year and then the knight would be free to terrorize once again.  
Prince Cedric thanked the dragon. He then proceeded to leave. Sirp waved as the prince galloped off into the sunset. The prince soon became sleepy and decided to go to bed underneath a nearby tree.  
When he woke up, the prince was being stared at by hundreds of teeny faces. After registering that they were only children he sat up. One little girl asked him if he was the famous Prince Cedric. The prince replied that he was. All of a sudden he was swarmed by all the kids who had journeyed from all parts of the kingdom to get his autograph. He could not figure out how they had known where he would be, but he signed their parchments none the less.  
After several hours of signing, the prince continued on his journey. Soon he came across a castle. It was very large and was flying several crimson banners.  
He saw a small crimson spot gallope across the drawbridge. He quickly pulled out the potion Sirp had given him. The knight drew close and closer. Suddenly Prince Cedric chucked the potion. The Crimson Knight was struck squarely in the face. He fell off his horse and promptly started snoring.  
Prince Cedric was pleased by this. He made a mental note to buy Sirp a present. He then dashed into the castle. Spotting a bathroom he decided he should change out of his armor and put on something a little more regal. When he finished he raced up the stairs to the tower where the princess was being held.   
When he got to her door, he quickly smashed his way through. Had he not been in such a hurry, he probably would have noted that the door had been unlocked. After shattering the door, Cedric was overpowered with awe. Sitting before him was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Atleast in the past two days.  
Princess Godiva let off a high pitched squeal. She ran her long laquered fingernails thourgh his hair. Unfortunately the prince found this horribly painful. While he tried not to think about how damaged his scalp might become, Prince Cedric noticed four hooded figures in the room. He realized that they were Princess Godiva's Ladies-in-waiting.  
"You must be Prince Cedar!" squeaked the princess.  
"It's Cedric not Cedar" replied the prince after taking a moment to understand what she had said.  
"Whatever." Princess Godiva scurried off and sat down on her bed, She beckoned for thr prince to come join her. "You know that our fathers are going to expect us to get married. Just imagine....you and me togehter forever! Won't it be lovely Cedar?"  
Prince Cedric was suddenly writhing with anger. Her itchy, scratchy voice reminded him of schoolmates who would run their fingers down chalkboards. On top of that, she couldn't get it through her brain that he was not named after a tree.  
"No, I will not marry you. I am the one who chooses whom I marry and it's not you. Your figure doesn't even come close to making up for your annoying voice and mindless babble." After realizing what he had said the prince began to feel guilty.  
"Listen. I'm truly sorry. I didn't mean any of that. I just want to marry for love. Right now I'm just not in love with you. Also I'm...." By this point, Princess Godiva was bright red. She grabbed a vase and threw it at one of her ladies-in waiting. It hit the poor girl right in the middle of her forehead.  
"Out!" she screamed. "Get out. All of you get out now!" The ladies-in-waiting rushed out the door and down the staris witht eh prince right behind them. The ladies scattered in different directions once that reached the bottom.  
Prince Cedric decided to apologize to the girl who'd been hit, he felt that it was all his fault. He quickly found her in the courtyard.  
He was stunned by her beauty. She had medium length hair that blew softly in the wind. She had very dark eyebrows and cocoa brown eyes. She had rosy cheeks, a button nose, and a cute little mouth. Having completely removed her cloak, the prince was able to see her proportionate body.  
He started towads her. The footsteps startled her. When she jumped the prince noticed that she was holding a damp cloth next to her forehead. Next to her was a waterbaisin.  
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to startle you."  
"Oh that's alright."  
"What's your name?"  
"Portia" said the girl quietly.  
"Well Portia," the prince said softly. "I came to apologize about what just happened. I in no way meant for you to be harmed. I'll make it up to you in any way I can."  
"Don't apologize" Portia said as she broke into a wide grin. "This has been the best day of my life. That spoiled brat gets everything she wants. She's had this coming to her for a long time."  
The two suddenly burst into laughter. They looked at each other and locked eyes. Portia quickly looked away obviously embarassed.  
After several moments of silence, the prince grabbed the cloth out of Portia's hand. He dunked it in the baisin, rinsed it off, and held it on portia's forehead. This time Portia flushed a deep red. She was not used to having so much attention.  
"Why are you here?" The prince asked suddenly.  
"To help pay for my father's medical insurance of course." The prince thought about his for a moment.  
"If you cam back to the castle with my horse and I, then I would have it arranged that your father's insurance would always be taken care of." Portia agreed and the two galloped back to the castle.  
Many years later the two were happily married. They lived a long and happy life. 


End file.
